Soon, me and my family will be heading across the country to spend Christmas with some family in California and then off to Missouri for the OneThing Conference. With temperatures reaching to Fahrenheits in the 70s in Cali, and then the 30s in Missouri, packing has been more tricky than usual, but still, so exciting!!

With all this snow here, our flight was canceled, but then rescheduled. As a result of all this shifting around in our schedules, the Good Lord made it possible for us to make it to a Night of Extravagant Worship lead by Sean Feucht and Burn Tidewater. What a great way to start off our winter break!

I just love the Lord and what He's doing!! My heart is so filled to the brim with much expectancy... Beautiful beautiful beautiful King, "as the heavens for height, and the earth for depth, so the heart of kings is unsearchable." Proverbs 25:3 Oh how we ready ourselves to plunge deep into these depths, into this hidden mystery!

Does this defeat the purpose of a blog? I write about a blog each week of which I usually never post... These blogs, that are never allowed to take up room on the internet, are usually on something that exposes a part of me of which I'm afraid to let the "public" read... so I'm contemplating of just sharing them.. maybe...I feel I should so as to make this commitment to an online journal legit.

ps. "He sets the lonely in families..." Palsm 68:6
I think if we could fully understand what good is, then saying, "He is so good," wouldn't be so cliche. It would be revelation illuminating revelation because His goodness... it's so good, and it penetrates every kind of darkness. Thank You Lord.

This one is a bit wordy, my apologies.

Time for my monthly blog! Still contemplating of posting a separate blog on what Holy Spirit is doing on my campus... we'll see, no promises.

I read somewhere that sound gives form to matter and that in the Biblical narrative of creation, God spoke words and creation began. All of creation was something He said. So as we are God's words walking around in God's words looking to encounter the Living Word through His written Word, I'm realizing that God loves language. He loves words that give birth to things, not empty ones that drop to the dust.

Lately, I've been making a more conscious effort to watch for the words around me that is in the natural realm which exposes His eternal realities, the words God speaks to create situations that whisper to us His mysteries. I caught a whisper of His the other day.

Last Wednesday we lost our dog. We've only had Clementine for over a year, and she's the only dog my family has ever had. That weekend prior to Wednesday, my friend Melissa came and stayed a night at my house after The Ascent Conference that we went to [I always believe that it's the fruit after a conference that makes the conference really beautiful. And this one was definitely a beaut. We'd also met some beautiful people who I hope me and my sibs can keep in touch with. So back to the word story...]. Melissa was telling me how Clementine looked depressed. At that moment I made myself a mental note to become more affectionate towards my Clem because I know I hadn't been the last couple months because I've been so busy, I hadn't cared. When Wednesday came around, I thought I'd lost my chance to give her a belly rub session. I was sad. But thankfully, Clementine was found, and joy entered my heart when she came through the door. =)

Meet Clementine.
photcred: melwren [http://heybigcity.blogspot.com]

I want to be found watching and waiting. When He comes, I want to feel the gladness in my heart that He felt when He watched for the prodigal son to come home. And if that measure of gladness is anything like what I felt when Clementine came home, I want that times ten thousand. I don't want to wait to spend my affections when it's too late. I don't want to feel guilt instead of gladness. To watch and wait involves my affections and I give them all to Him. Let us be found longing and ready.

"The key of the house of David I will lay on his shoulder; so he shall open, and no one shall shut; and he shall shut, and no one shall open. I will fasten him as a peg in a secure place, and he will become a glorious throne to his father's house. They will hang on him all the glory of his father's house, the offspring and the posterity, all vessels of small quantity, from the cups to all the pitchers." Isaiah 22:22-24

The Father of glory put His Son on display and on Him, the Father of glory hangs all glory. He sets Him to be a glorious throne in His House, and is sure to adorn Him with the reward of His suffering. That just as He has fastened the Son to be a peg on which all glory hangs, He would fasten on Him His reward.

And what's beautiful is that He chooses us to be the vessels for which He will display His glory to the ends of the earth, and he calls us to interact with the Man on which all glory hangs. He says, Christ in you, the hope of glory. Along with this revelation of the indwelling Christ that establishes greater channels of communion with the Father and Son, I'm learning that He has given to the watchmen the key of David, which is the key of intimacy. I can watch, and know who it is I watch for, because of the wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Jesus because He is Christ in me, the hope of glory, for which He enables me to commune with Him daily.

I say that the key of David was given to the watchmen because those who watch can't watch if they don't know who to watch for. It is my prayer that I be as one who makes my home in the place of intimacy, so I can recognize this GodMan when he returns. I want my heart burning in the watching and waiting. I want to be enslaved by the will of God that I could have what Paul speaks of, liberty. Let my daily bread become the scroll.

As I am writing this I realize these desires aren't new... they've been heard before, and prayed before. And though this quest is a yoke, it's a yoke of love, and because it's of love, it's easy too. I don't want the striving of my flesh to be the thing that propels me to reach the destination for this pilgrimage, but I want the stillness that leads me to the experiential knowledge of Christ.

This stillness He is beginning to lead me into is found in having no other attachment to the things and people of this world. They are not my home. Home is in the House of the Lord in which He stretched out His arms on Calvary to welcome me in. He is Home. And I want to be in Him and Him alone. Any other attachment to anything else deems itself as trivial and temporary. And I believe once I get to that place of taking comfort in His Home, I can really be at that place of stillness and rest because nothing else matters.



Alright, with all my ramblings aside, it's a Sunday afternoon and I smell garlic bread. Enough said. Hope you all have a great Sabbath!

Grace and Peace,
michelle

Desert Storm

"My lips are bleeding
From kissin you goodbye
From kissin you goodbye every night"
-Sondre Lerche, My Hands are Shaking

In reference to rva, it's been so bittersweet. I think I'm caught up in trying to say goodbye when I'm starting to think I don't have to... They are my extended family, ones who I can never say goodbye to, right?

This past week, it was my fall break, the best fall break for me ever. I visited old friends and I got to have my dose of deja vou biking down memory lane, literally, from my old house onto campus in the fall breeze. I even found myself wishing I had my fluorescent pink glittens like days of old...I have such an affinity towards this place and to these faces. Ha, it's crazy how you can feel like you can pick up where you left off, and simultaneously have the understanding that things are never the same.

I also got to visit my sister at her school and have some quality time with her. It was so refreshing to be able to talk with someone who can feel the way I do, who mourns with me, and laughs with me. Sometimes I think I'm trying to live vicariously through her since she's living out the college life at a university away from home... but i don't know..

So walking through all of these things these past few days I feel as if I had awaken memories I'd forgotten, it's the whole "out of sight, out of mind," kind of syndrome, now being reversed, "in sight, in mind." I'm being reminded of what I've missed, what I've sort of abandoned.

The Merry Monk said it so well when he wrote:

"God is Home. To me, he is the ultimate expression of what I call “home.”
I only experience the scent or echoes of Home in my family and friends…my home. Most of the time I’m longing for love, intimacy, security and permanence…Home. My hope and your hope is that one day God will welcome us fully into himself…Home."

How I am finding this to be so true!!! Home. Being here, I've been feeling this placelessness, like that of an orphan... and this Home found in Jesus is really my only comfort besides the friendship I find in my amazing brother.

So in regards to my visit, it reawakened the feelings of being at home so robust that I am beginning to look at the wilderness that I'm in so differently. This whole season is so mirrored in the scriptures of Abraham, Moses, the apostles, and within the picture of the church and the bridegroom. The image embodied by each of these stories is best identified by the word "abandonment." Abraham left his own country to follow the leadings of the Spirit. Moses abandoned his royal authority and went to the desert. The apostles dropped their trade. And the Bride leaves her father's house to become one flesh with the Bridegroom.

I forget that abandoning everything is actually painful. It is suffering. The wilderness is supposed to be both bitter and sweet, most definitely. "For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up." Hosea 6:1 And for a while I was trying my best not to feel the pain in this kind of suffering.

Reflecting on all of this, I am almost convinced that Jesus's entire life lived on this earth was His own wilderness, His own abandonment, and that He died alone on that cross because He wanted to rid this world of the sin of loneliness (aka separation from God), and yet He allows us to dwell in seasons of loneliness in order that we can model the essence of brokenness (which is the language of beauty from His view). Broken things are meant to offer up a sweet fragrance of sacrifice. And feeling pain, to lament and travail, and to suffer makes us more human. This facet of every man's humanity is supposed to, in part, embody the sufferings of Christ, in this we can share in His sufferings. haha it's this suffering that makes us so much more human, and consequently more like Christ. It makes us a friend to God.

Along with this suffering, I have been confronted by the opposing reality of the closing impartation many of the New Testament writers closed their letters with, this "Grace and Peace." Grace to walk with devotion, and peace to understand we will fail, though failure is something everyone wants to avoid. And it's this peace that comes out of the revelation of who He is. He is transcendent, the righteous Judge who loves mercy, and lovingkindness.

Suffering, and Grace and Peace?? Can these coexist? Yes, I call it the "whirlwind effect." It's tumultuous and violent all around you, and yet He keeps us in sight, in the eye of it, the only place at rest. It's the cloud by day and fire by night. This wilderness is rejoicing in the grace that he offers us, and yet going through the heat of the desert to give Him what He rightfully deserves. Oh how He rightly deserves all of me!



***I apologize for how unlinear my thought-processes are. I'm thinking I should probably blog more often so that I don't have to do a dump every month or so and risk the chances of not being cohesive.

This morning I woke up before the sun.

I woke up before the sun and listened to some very poetic music as it was rising. And I'm discovering just how beautiful creativity is. It's a phenomenon how humans have this God-given ability to imagine and feel....

This past month has been really different, almost like I'm living another life other than the one that I've lived these past two years. I must be honest, I wasn't sure how I felt about moving back home. All I know is that I, if anything, have been feeling a bit discontent, unsatisfied.

This past summer at my internship I learned about having a rhythm of life, and how in a perfect and steady rhythm, there's a freedom. Some people perceive freedom as being unstructured, and to it's extreme, you could say it's chaotic. In regards to this concept of freedom, I can't help but think about how artist Linnea Spransy thinks of it, she says extreme freedom is formless potential. What good is potential if it is not being harnessed and guided? In relation to my own life, there's a potential to live a life completely given to Him, but without structure there can't be any birth to anything really tangibly incredible, without mixture and wholehearted. There's something about having a rhythm of life, this structure, it's self-discipline, and restraint; it's making the choice to die to yourself. And there, that's freedom in it's good form. Freedom within structure, built on undying love. It's a beautiful thing.

Back to feeling unsatisfied... So in my attempts to create structure, nothing was really solidifying in my day to day life. My rhythm would always get thrown off. So more and more I felt disappointed in myself. I wondered if weak love could be extravagant love. Out of this came the realization that my weak love is still love to God. In fact, he does find it extravagant. The little that we offer is okay. And when I find times spent with Him feeling empty and pointless, I'm getting the revelation that it's that way, not because He's withholding something from me, nor is it supposed to be my own attempt in trying to attain something from God, but because He just gives according to what I need. What I have, is what I have, and it's enough because it's God who brings encounter and revelation. It has nothing to do with my attempts at getting a hold of it. My God is a good Father, and it's always in my best interest when He chooses to unveil Himself or not. So whether He hides behind the lattice, or He gives me a piece of shekinah glory, I'm at rest because He gives me what I need in every moment. I'm not missing out on anything. =)

And yet it's this crazy paradox that while I can rest knowing I have all I need, there's a pull to press in for more, to be in pursuit of the greatest treasure that doesn't rust and isn't destroyed. It's the paradox that is defined by longsuffering. It's patient and yet it bears long and perseveres. I'm learning this.

And now I feel as if I can finally enjoy this season that I'm in. Gleaning from the fellowship of others these past few months, I'm understanding more fully that I'm walking into the story to which Christ has written me into existence, the story He's been, He has, and He will be unfolding on the earth. 2 Corinthians 3:2-3 says,

"You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men; clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart."

He has written us into existence, out of His dream, and out of His heart. We are the fruit of His imagination, the expression of His dreams. A blog I stumbled upon just yesterday was talking about how John the Baptist declared himself as a mere stagehand, and that is what I'd too like to liken myself in this drama. The same blogger writes how it's his desire to continually walk into the fullness of His Story. I second that. I want to be fully involved in this story, fully available. So here I am, in longsuffering, in this creative story.

Oh Israel

I've been meaning to post a paper I wrote during this past internship I was on, and I've finally decided to post it. It's on the Israel Mandate and some foundational reasons why the Christian church should be concerned for Israel. I hope it blesses you all. =)

The Israel Mandate

For so long, the church has either avoided God’s end-time plans or over emphasized it in the wrong context, leaving out His plan for Israel. Some people choose not to understand the urgency of the end-times and His heart for Israel because they see it as irrelevant to today’s church. They reason in their hearts that end-time subjects are impractical and only theory, and while past generations have thought that it was in their generation Jesus was going to come, some have done away with expecting His return altogether, so a sleep has come over them. With that, and all other nonsensical reasons to avoid the end-time subject, we can see a release of a spirit of confusion over the church. We read and watch movies like “The Left Behind” Series and all we think about is The Great Tribulation and judgment, and then we say, “Jesus is coming,” without ever fully understanding what that means or what that requires of us. Does it require that we, as the Body, solely respond by walking in unprecedented holiness? Yes, but it can’t be just that. The purpose of understanding God’s end-time plans, especially in regards to Israel, is not so we can drive ourselves to fear and therefore live holy lives, but so we can hasten His coming. Jesus is the Bridegroom who wants to take His Bride, and understanding God’s end-time plan for Israel is essential if we want Him to come.
Many choose not to be concerned for the future of Israel because they assume that God has rejected Israel and therefore does not play any role in the end-times. This is called Replacement Theology, the belief that the church has replaced Israel and that Israel is no longer God’s chosen people. Paul even exhorts in Romans 11:1, “I say then, has God cast away His people? Certainly not! For I also am an Israelite, of the seed of Abraham, of the tribe of Benjamin.” Some look at the church as solely the continuation of Israel or they view the church and Israel as being completely different entities. People who see the church as the continuation of Israel then begin to see prophecies towards Israel as allegories and just spiritualized prophecies over the church than actual promises for the country of Israel. According to the Bible, the church is not exclusive to any one nation as He promised, but that the church is referring to those who have come alive through Christ Jesus.
Why care about Israel and the end-times? Because it is God’s heart that we know the season, that we know the hour in which He will come. Matthew 24:43-44 says, “But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into. Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.” Matthew 25: 13 says, “Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour in which the Son of Man is coming.” Revelations 3:3 says, “Remember therefore how you have received and heard; hold fast and repent. Therefore if you will not watch, I will come upon you as a thief, and you will not know what hour I will come upon you.” Scripture tells us that He is coming and to be watchful. He calls us to be concerned about His prophetic time table! It is for us to discern the time that we are in, it’s a mandate. Ephesians 3:9-10 says that we are to, “see what is the fellowship of the mystery, which from the beginning of the ages has been hidden in God who created all things through Jesus Christ; to the intent that now the manifold wisdom of God might be made known by the church…” This mystery is the plan of God which He has hid in Himself but has revealed it to the apostles that we might know His plans for the purpose of cooperating and partnering with Him.
Before we understand what we must do with this mandate, it’s important to know who God calls Israel to be. It starts first with Abraham. God told Abraham to move to Canaan which later became Israel. God found favor on him and promised him to be the father of a great nation, and that is Israel. This comes to fruition when the birth of his son, Jacob, happens and Jacob, whose name changed to Israel, gives birth to 12 sons, whom the twelve tribes of Israel are named. Then a period, known as Exodus happens and the Israelites are enslaved for 4o0 years until Moses leads them out of Egypt and into the border of the Promised land, Canaan/Israel. After Moses dies, Joshua leads the Israelites into the Promised Land and establishes the sovereignty of Israel as a country. In the beginning of Israel’s sovereignty, they were not ruled by kings but judges because they believed God to be the only One true King. However, the Israelite’s unfaithfulness to God manifested when they demanded to have a king. God gave them to their own desires and made Saul King. This was the beginning of Israel’s deliberate act in turning away from God. Deuteronomy 7:6 declares, “For you are a holy people to the LORD your God; the LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth.” Israel was close to God’s heart. They were to be a people who, to God, was a special treasure valued above all other peoples and nations on the face of the entire earth. Out of Israel would come the Messiah. He called Jews to bring salvation to all the nations of the earth as their primary role other than to love the Lord their God. It is our mandate to intercede for Israel. Isaiah 59:15 says, “…Then the LORD saw it, and it displeased Him that there was no justice. He saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor; therefore His own arm brought salvation for Him; and His own righteousness, it sustained Him.” God is looking for intercessors who would cry out on behalf of his chosen people.
While explaining God’s heart for Israel, some might question if Israel is God’s chosen people does that mean that we, the Gentiles, are not saved or will not be shown salvation? No, Hosea 2:23 says, “I will plant her for myself in the land; I will show my love to the one I called 'Not my loved one.' I will say to those called 'Not my people,' 'You are my people'; and they will say, 'You are my God.' " But as Gentiles, who have been grafted in the vine and have been given salvation, it is our ministry to, “through their [Israel’s] fall, to provoke them to jealousy,” as Paul said in Romans 11:11. It is the faith of the Gentiles that stirs jealousy in the hearts of the Jewish people, and it is this jealousy that would be the very thing that brings them back to the heart of God.
Now that we have established the fact that Israel is God’s chosen but fallen people, and that it is our mandate to intercede for the Jewish people as well as to provoke Israel to jealousy, we can now understand God’s plan to release worldwide salvation in the end-times. In Romans 11:11-12 and 15 Paul says, “Have they stumbled that they should fall? Certainly not! But through their fall, to provoke them to jealousy, salvation has come to the Gentiles. Now if their fall is riches for the world, and their failure riches for the Gentiles, how much more their fullness! For if their being cast away is the reconciling of the world, what will their acceptance be but life from the dead?” From this scripture we can see that His plan includes both the fullness of the Gentiles and the Israelites. It is in the fullness of the Gentiles that Israel would be saved. And it is in the fullness of Israel that God would bring forth His glory into the millennial earth. His plan is to make Israel blind for a season as it says in Romans 11:25-26, “I do not desire…that you should be ignorant of this mystery…that blindness in part has happened to Israel until the fullness of the Gentiles has come in. 26 So all Israel will be saved…” God will make Israel blind until the Gentiles come into fullness. And it is in this fullness that they would provoke the Israel to return to the Lord. This fullness is the salvation and full maturity in Christ, that the Jews would see what they ‘have not,’ and drive them to pursue the God who established them so that they would ‘have.’ Like the story of Jacob and Esau, Esau sold his birthright to Jacob. And when Esau saw what was robbed from him, jealousy was stirred in his heart to retrieve what was stolen. This will be the same with Israel. The Jewish people will see the faith of the Gentiles and want their spiritual inheritance back. It is our calling as Gentiles to labor for Israel’s salvation through prayer and intercession for Israel. Isaiah 60, verses 3 and 5 says, “The Gentiles shall come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your rising…Then you shall see and become radiant, and your heart shall swell with joy; because the abundance of the sea shall be turned to you, the wealth of the Gentiles shall come to you.” Israel shall then see when the fullness of the Gentiles is fulfilled and their fullness then becomes in part their inheritance.
It is His will that the Israel people be saved. Does this mean that the entire nation of Israel will be saved? Matthew 24:21-22 speaks about the end times having there be a, “great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be. And unless those days were shortened, no flesh would be saved; but for the elect’s sake those days will be shortened.” It is a time known as Jacob’s trouble by Jeremiah (chapter 30:7) that is described as the most difficult time to live in ever. So much so Matthew 24:22 says for His chosen ones’ sake, this time will be shortened because if it were to be any longer than prescribed, all would probably fall away. It is in this time that God uses His wrath to drive Israel back to Him out of His deep love for His people, but not all will respond to His wrath through repentance, some will be lost. Zechariah 13: 8-9 says that the time of tribulation will be so great two-thirds of Israel will be “cut-off” and one-third shall remain as His remnant. Verse nine of Zechariah 13 specifically says, “I will being the one-third through the fire, will refine them as silver is refined, and test them as gold is tested. They will call on My name, and I will answer them. I will say, “This is My people’; and each one will say , “The LORD is my God.” This is the enemy’s scheme to stop God’s chosen people from receiving salvation. Jeremiah 16:16-17 says, “I will send for many hunters, and they shall hunt them from every mountain and every hill, and out of the holes of the rocks.” Just as we have seen in the time of Hitler’s rule, some may point out the spirit of the antichrist within that his rule, but that only being a glimpse of what the Great Tribulation will actually look like. Satan will do whatever it takes to prevent Israel from welcoming Jesus as Messiah because He knows that Matthew 23:39 says, “you [the Jewish people] shall see Me no more till you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD!’” Jesus is bound by His and it’s Satan’s tactic to attack His Word and stop Israel from welcoming Jesus in. And if that means to kill, steal, and destroy than so be it.
Understanding the Israel Mandate becomes so urgent in consideration that our end goal as Gentiles, as Christians, as believers, as the Bride, is to hasten His second coming. For example, when we pray for revival, we don’t pray just so rain can come down and people can get saved, but we pray and intercede so that the Bride, who is the church, would be ready for the Bridegroom, who is Jesus in His second coming. When the character of Christ is reflected in the united Body of Christ, He will come and claim us as His own. This is the same intention that we ought to bear in praying for Israel to come into fullness, which is that we pray so that we could hasten His coming. We pray His Kingdom Come! In His desire to express His ultimate act of love, which is to establish the New Jerusalem, new heavens, and new earth in order that we could have intimate fellowship with Him for eternity, we must respond to His longing with longing, expressed through prayer and supplication.
We must carry the same burden God has for His people, Israel, to not forget that they are His people just as we have been called His people. Paul felt His heart; he was full of “great sorrow and unceasing anguish in [his] heart (Romans 1:1)” for his Jewish people. So we should ask that He impart His sorrow and jealous jealousy as Paul speaks of in Romans 1. If we do not confront our ignorance about Israel, the Bible says we are headed towards spiritual apostasy. In Romans 11:18-22, and 25, it says, “do not boast over those branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you. You will say then, "Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in." Granted. But they were broken off because of unbelief, and you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but be afraid. For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either. Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off…I do not want you to be ignorant of this mystery, brothers, so that you may not be conceited: Israel has experienced a hardening in part until the full number of the Gentiles has come in.” We must understand that the faith of the Gentiles is nothing without the faith and history of the Jews, and the faith of the Jews in this time will be nothing without the Gentiles. Israel is His planting, and we have been grafted in only by His mercy and grace by faith. If we are not concerned for Israel, in the hour of judgment, we will be judged as it says in Matthew 25:31-42,
“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory (in the Millennial Kingdom). All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers (Jewish) of mine, you did for me (Jesus).'
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”

Those who chose to ignore God’s appeal and refuse to stand and contend for Israel during her darkest hour will do so at their own expense. They will be judged and will share in the same fate as unbelievers.
If we are to partner with God’s end-time plans we must pray for the Israel people in three basic ways: ask for the fullness of the Gentiles to come that the fullness of Israel be released, ask that the in the fullness of the Gentiles, the church would walk in unprecedented holiness to stir up jealousy in the hearts of the Jews, and that God would lift the scales off from the Israelite’s eyes. Take heart, there has never been a time before now that there has been an unprecedented amount of Jewish people saved. The end is near and Jesus is coming for His Bride!

Harlotry.

This was an old blog I wrote probably 3 months (May 9th to be exact) ago I never posted but I feel like it's so relevant to the mix of emotions I'm feeling now. So here it goes, enjoy as I bear my heart with you all =)

I behold the eyes of a King. They burn like a fire with desire, desire!

Lately the LORD has been laying a desire on my heart for humility. To be in a place to serve Him as my Husband. Ah, being wrecked by being brought low...it's painful sometimes. And it's a desire for humility not because it's what we're called to do, but because I've been gripped by love. It's not a front, it's not insincere, nothing false. He's shown me that to the humble, He teaches them His ways, and He's allowed me to see it in other people clearly [and it's so beautiful]. In these last few months I've seen the LORD convicting me by showing me that I do not have humility, and I want it. I want it bad. It's this humility that puts me in a place where He enlarges my heart to carry more... Ah, break me down God. Break me, that I'd completely lean on you.

There's a scripture that describes this conviction very well:
Ezekiel 16:14- 16
And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD. " 'But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. You lavished your favors on anyone who passed by and your beauty became his. You took some of your garments to make gaudy high places, where you carried on your prostitution. Such things should not happen, nor should they ever occur."

Ezekiel talks about Israel as she begins to trust in her own beauty. And as I was worshiping last night at the prayer furnace, He gave me this picture of a woman and her Husband who is a King. This woman was spotless, without blemish. She had the full attire of a Queen, one who had been endowed with honor and beauty. In this picture, I saw her latched onto the arm of her King, but the thing about all of it was that while the King stood there with all majesty and meekness, she, being the exuberant wife she was, wore the most extravagant smile ever, waving to everyone who was around, as if she was with a celebrity. She acted as if she had owned him, and that His Kingship made her a celebrity as well. Her eyes were fixed on those looking at her. But that is not love, for love does not boast. It isn't proud. Love keeps eyes on the Lover. And as I saw this picture, the LORD spoke to my heart. He told me that this was a picture of me and what I've been doing all along... I've lost my attention from His gaze, and I've turned them to those around me. It's when I begin to compare myself and covet other things that I become a harlot who trusts in her own beauty. It's when I ask to walk in the gifts out of the intentions to be some amazing woman of God is when I begin to be what Ezekiel 16 talks about. I was not meant to hold Him up as a trophy but to literally hide myself in Him; to not only glance, but to gaze into His eyes; to look with wonder and awe at the most Wonderful One; to go into the reservoir of who He is and honor Him in being hid with Christ. Taking His Name is not for me to become famous with Him, but to make all the more His Name famous. It's for Him to simply enjoy me because I now am His, I've taken His Name! This is humility in love: to be so fascinated by His love and who He is that we begin to honor Him by hiding ourselves in Him. And out of that comes an adoration that is enough to move us to abide, obey, and surrender. Leaving no room in my heart for myself enlarges the tents for more room for more of Him.

Word, The Dubs...

Wow. The same wisdom that created both the heavens and the earth is the same wisdom He offers to us. And it's in that same wisdom that we can create with Him the impossibilities into existence... Oh the infinite possibilities of new languages that haven't been spoken before, colors we haven't seen before, sounds that haven't been heard before, and mysteries that haven't been uttered before. I was reading my journal today and I found notes from the 24-7 National Gathering in Minnesota (a gathering that I keep drawing back to... it was that rich). What I had wrriten from when Linnea Gabriella Spransy spoke was completely relevant to this little nugget of truth on 'Wisdom and the ability to create' that I've been soaking in . She mentioned that Wisdom, really, is the personification of Jesus. God spoke the heavens and the earth into existence by Wisdom, who is also the Word. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made." (John 1:1-3) And I love that. Essentially, He created us in His image with the ability to create by Wisdom, through Jesus. It's through even encounter with this Godman that we can create and make.

This is probably why I love the artists, the philosophers, the musicians, the thinkers, the hermits, the inventors, and the revolutionaries. They seem to have great ambitions to not only dream, but to bring these dreams into fruition. These are ones who find it not enough to simply be fascinated, but they're willing to explore, discover, and relentlessly pursue the answers to their questions without convenience. Oh how my wisdom and knowledge, and small fascinations are so finite in light of their's! They are the innovators who create and therefore mirror the Creator, a peculiar people who have laid hold of Wisdom and are moving in the mantle of His image-bearers. For some time, I never liked these titles, or to ever be under these labels. But these are roles that I believe God desires for us to walk into... or at least the heart and spirit that the artists, musicians, thinkers, ect. bear. It's the heart and spirit of restless pursuit until they've captured what speaks to their depravity, until they've encountered Wisdom. I want that. And yes, some of these artists, philosophers, thinkers, revolutionaries are ones to encounter false wisdom, but those who've caught the real Wisdom, who create with Him, I want what they have...

It pains me that I don't think I have that. I see my brothers and my sisters who wholeheartedly love Jesus, who carry Wisdom. And it's this wisdom and revelation that I see the Lord moving in them to create a beauty out of their lives authored by Wisdom. Ah! How there's an aching longing in my heart to walk in the spirit of pursuit, to create with Wisdom and revelation something beautiful.

In my longing to be changed from glory to glory, I'm seeing that becoming a storehouse of wisdom and revelation is something that takes cultivating.. it's not easy, it's a pursuit. It means study and discipline. But at the exact same time, it's knowing that though we take on the task of pursuing it, He gives it. He does the increase in every thing that takes cultivating. So I'm reminding myself that I do not need to strive, and that the deeper one goes into depth, the more they become nothing, and the more you become nothing, the more you realize you know nothing. Is that my end goal? No. My goal is to know Jesus that I could honor Him by creating with Him something delightfully beautiful.

........I guess that's what I'm really longing for... beauty. A secret garden, a secret beauty. Nothing fake, or something formed in an outward way, no cloak of disguise to cover up the shallow that's hiding underneath the skin. And I want a steadfastness to pursue Beauty for and by Wisdom, so that I might be the Bride who looks like Him. I want to pursue His purposes for which He made me, to walk in the mantle He's given me to create sacrifices of praise with my life, my art, my music, my inventive imagination, my dreams, my time, my discipline, ect to enter in, to encounter with the Word, to have Wisdom, to create something unimaginable.

A Post on being Shaken.

I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple. [The] seraphim... cried to another and said:
“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD of hosts;
The whole earth is full of His glory!”
And the posts of the door were shaken by the voice of him who cried out, and the house was filled with smoke. So I said:
“Woe is me, for I am undone!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King,
The LORD of hosts.”

God is a God of shaking. He shakes the foundations of things so that He can be the only thing that holds us. At the proclamation of His Holiness, nothing can stand. The foundations of our bodily frames are shaken just as the posts of the doors were shaken. Before Him there must be a shaking of the things that are not of Him to fall to the ground, and bow, and for the things that can't be shaken, they will remain.If it was the seraphim whose voice shook the post of the door, how much the Voice of the Lord??

How I know this shaking very well. Coming to terms of transferring to another school and leaving my rva family, I have realized that in many ways I have married rva. And because I saw this "marriage" as such a blessing, I could not understand why God would want me to divorce it. Divorce is not a thing of the LORD, right? ...I left my home to marry rva only finding out later that I was to marry this Godman named Jesus. Go figure. My foundations have been shaken.

So now I'm divorcing rva and am being betrothed in this wilderness... and He's softened my heart and put me in a place of realizing that pursuit of any other thing is meaningless. When your heart becomes buried in the heart of the Father, you begin to realize that nothing else matters. absolutely nothing. He is my exceedingly great reward. And if I were to live one thousand days of dryness for one day in His courts, one moment of nearness with the Lord, it would be worth it. He suffered and died a death and is alive, and calls me the reward of His suffering. He says we are His portion!! Whhhaaat???? God, you are worthy!

there is so. much. more. I want to share, but this just has t be it for now because I gots to go. go. go.

Water Fountains

Oh the Fountain of Living Waters!
Today I was able to get out of class early and so I decided to go walk around just pray before our noon prayer meeting at the compass. And I was led to this fountain of water. As I sat there the LORD led me to this verse:

"Give unto the LORD, O you mighty ones,
Give unto the LORD glory and strength.
Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.
The voice of the LORD is over the waters;
The God of glory thunders;
The LORD is over many waters.
The voice of the LORD is powerful;
The voice of the LORD is full of majesty."

As I sat there soaking in these few verses, I realized that the fountain of water that I sat before was making pit-pattering noises. And at that point I laughed inside. His voice is louder than the quiet waters, and even when there seems to be a waterfall of noise coming down on us, His voice is ever so louder than even that. His voice thunders! If only I could just be still and listen in. I want to hear Him. No more monologues, I want conversation.

Oh this One who is Holy is so beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! These living waters satisfy, these waters of complete pleasure, these waters where I can hear Him above all is where I want to be.

Beholding The Everything

[I wrote this blog a few days ago and wasn't sure if I should post it. But I've just realized that this blog is such a paradigm to the blog written on January 30th, 2009.. haha from nothing to everything.]

The LORD has been speaking to me so much about Him being my everything. One sweet thing about having Christ is that when we come to Him, we come to Him having nothing, and yet in Him, we possess all things. He's our Portion. I've heard that prayed many times, and I don't think I've come to a full understanding and revelation of what that means. And that means that He's enough. He's enough for all my longings and desires, He is. When it comes to all of life's little blessings that are temporary, He's called me to be completely satisfied and content, to set eyes after eternal things, not this temporary stuff.
Right now, I'm actually sitting here in my backyard.. in my Dad's garden beholding (literally).... how appropriate heh heh. I'm in his garden and in his company [this so makes my heart smile, my Dad is so handsome].

So now that I've sat down and taken a look at the little things God does to entertain our fancy, like seeing the clouds part, the skies turn pink, and the butterflies chase each other, I'm completely enthralled at His beauty. Beholding The Beautiful One, and allowing myself to be satisfied in Him is incredibly freeing. It's a rest. I hear Him say, "It's okay... delight in Me." The other night, I was talking to a dear dear friend and spiritual mother, and she was talking to me about this very thing. To be content with Who He is. And as I search my heart, I ask myself, "Who and what is my delight? What delights me?? Why do I covet the things I covet when I have everything, when I've captured the very heart of the Creator of this Universe??" I have everything!!! =DDD

Heart Day 09

So. Valentines was really sweet this year... I think the best yet really. =)

First, on Friday, I got a rose from my 3 good friends Jackie, Joey, and Angela.
Then on Saturday, my brother took me to Moes, then we got on a rooftop and watched the sunset. It was such a sweet moment, the kind of moment that you don't really want to say much because you're simply enjoying it. I love my brother. =)

Rooftops are my favorite.

To You

There has been so much on my heart...

All consuming fire of Love,
come burn away what hinders Love
Til I am only Your's.
I wanna stay close to the fire in your eyes,
to the burnings of Your heart,
...I don't wanna grow cold.

- Stay Close by Cory Asbury

I am so weak, ugly, incapable, unworthy, selfish, frail, ineloquent, and incredibly flawed.

I'm sure everyone has felt this mix of emotions. Oh, how I know it too well. Lately I've felt this and it tore me apart to tears. I shared this briefly to a friend of mine, and the selfish part of me was expecting that she was going to comfort me and speak sweet words into me.. I was wanting her to tell me, "No, not at all, you're an awesome woman of God." But no! haha!! She didn't. And it's exactly what I heard the LORD telling me after I confronted Him with it. Oh how He humbles me again and again!! In light of who He is, I'm seeing that it is true. I am weak. And when I look on towards other people and I see the strength of the LORD displayed in them, I need to remember that what they have is what I also have, and it's nothing. We have nothing, nothing to offer Him, but ourselves, if that. [thanks Melisss]

My heart has just been to pursue the LORD. To be consumed by His zeal and love. There's something about being consumed. It's wholehearted and it prompts us to respond not soley in 'the moment' but in the long haul. I want that. I want to be so spent on Him and as misty edwards says, I want to "place [my] heart in front of the flame, that [my] heart would melt." And I'm discovering more and more what that means. What it means to place our hearts in front of the fire. It hurts and it takes a true dying to ourselves... Honestly, I must say, there must be more than this. I have prayed this time and time again and though part of me feels like I need to feel convicted as I say that because, isn't he suppoes to satisfy? Does He not make me whole? Yes, and again I say, Yes, He does!! Psalm 145: 16, "You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing." The Beattiudes mention "Blessed is he who hungers and thirsts for righteousness for they shall be filled." The LORD opens His hand to fill us and satisfy us but my heart asks, "Have we hungered? Have we thirsted??" Make us that LORD! By Your grace and mercy, would You fill us? =)

My prayer lately has been that God would make me like flint, that I'd set my face towards Him and bear the fire. Make me lovesick for You. That You would seriously burn away all the things in me that is not of You, make me pure in heart, for I want to see Your face [Matthew 5:8]. In Your most beautiful Name. =}