repost: on shutting up

I don't know how I stumbled on this blog, but i read it and it's everything that I'm going through, and articulated really well, so here's a repost of it by http://timandbrookecollier.wordpress.com/

on shutting up
i’m getting a little tired of hearing myself talk lately. i’m not feeling wise or profound or salty. i’m feeling bland and dull… and actually relatively unsure about almost everything right now apart from the pressing feeling that my Father is working something deep in me that can’t yet be articulated.

i used to think of my blog, though i feel silly admitting it, as a fountain of emotional transparency paired with spiritual depth and insight. i wrote for myself, and i wrote what was true, but i think i thought i was doing you (readers) some sort of small service by my writing. whether or not that is accurate, i’ll let you determine.

but i’m running out of things to say. i’m silenced by the mystery that life is right now; the mystery that God Himself is in the midst of it. I’m a bit tired, truthfully, of working to chase down my Life Calling and to walk in step with the Spirit. i’m certain that it’s not supposed to be that tiring (“my yoke is easy and my burden is light. you’ll find rest for your souls,” He said), which means i’m doing something wrong. i know Him well enough to know that He will not lose me. but, still, something is off.

the remedy? to pray more, to concentrate on hearing His voice, to get into circles of fellowship that will challenge me, to worship with other people, to take a retreat? well, most of that feels like more striving. so, i’m opting to shut up instead. to shut up with the internal dialogue AND with the verbose musings.

my prayers these days are more about the posture of my heart than the words i speak (or don’t). but i’m praying. in fact, i know that He’s near right now and doing something vital. but i’m just at a loss for words.

posts for a little bit here will probably be “shallow” and focused more on ordinary day-to-day things.

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So, some day-to-day things: photos from July Fourth Weekend

[...every sinner has a future]
[a bit grainy, but other than that, I like it, this was
after a dance party we went to //fan plan//
oh and this is not me, it's my sister, get it straight][sabbath afteroon at ze church for lunch munch,
and despedida for the missions team][paparrazzi shot at guitar center][she's old and fat, her name is Charka. I met her
at the Fil-Am festival, she has short legs, and likes to sit][mi familia celebrates another young one into the fold
at a buffet. it's the only way to party really btw, the
prego cousin-in-law isn't in the pic, nor is the new popz]