summer in summary

Today is the first Wednesday of Fall semester, and as I look back on this past summer, I see that it has been marked by this consistent sense of longing. It's been a season of longing to know and be known, to see and be seen, and to give and be given. In this never-ending cycle of trying to satisfy this longing, I have found one thing to be true:

The longing in our hearts are actually purposed to draw us to the Father.

I am drawn away. Jesus opens His hands and satisfies the desire of every living thing [Psalm 145:16]. I eat and dine from the very palm of His hand. How humbling...

My sister was sharing with me the other day about how everything in life is sustained by giving and receiving, without this exchange...we just wouldn't be. She explained how even in our breathing we are constantly having to exhale, give, and inhale, receive. It's the physical reality revealing the inward nature of man, that also reflects our Beautiful God who gave His life and who will then, one day, receive the reward of His suffering.

I love that. I want my life to have this natural exchange of giving and receiving, and I want it to be as easy as inhaling and exhaling-- it's just so refreshing, "a breath of fresh air," if you will.

Oh God, I surrender all my desires to You Jesus, and I say that I'm willing to have all that You desire for me now in this season. If that just means drawing closer still, then let it be.

On a lighter note: I soon will be posting some photos from my family's trip to NYC, and maybe a photo or two of a weekend retreat with Intervarsity. Yippee!

until then

Summer is coming to a close and I'm still not sure what to make of it.... hopefully words will form soon. Until then, here are some photos of the past few days:

[we went on a photo excursion!]

[...and we found this quaint spot][This was part of someone's yard, so we made sure
we went unnoticed. sneaky sneaky, I agree][ole urban buildings that have been through the test of time...][A railroad crossing with the most beautiful blue backdrop! This was
along our walk to the restaurant after an Acts29 conference]

Root Bear

One extravagant chain saw dance move goes to camping last weekend in the mountains! If only we wore plaid and grew beards would the feeling of manliness be more complete. haha The fact is, we survived, despite the pseudo-carcass we encountered on the way to our campsite.

[The story: we were driving through the mountain, and went up up up trying to find a good spot. My sister lets us know that there are monster bears that hang out all around the same mountain we're tryin to camp out at. Thanks for lettin us know sis! We got to a point where we just thought we were at the wrong place, and boom! We see this huge dead thing in the middle of the road, and we freak out because it looked like a dead eaten up animal and its bones. Nope, just a dead branch with leaves all over. That's all. ha ha ha jokes on us!]

[deer caught in headlights. & that actually happened many times that night] [bringin the fiyah! ah, can't wait till we do this again]

The following day I got to see my good friends get married! Hannah and Jake. It was such a beautiful and magical night, complete with fireworks at a barn. Wish I could have gotten some photos of the Bride&Groom but none turned out. Anyhow, meet 2 of my friends:

[hi there Carra][oh hey jonsey]

AndToday.

I helped my dad make some fig jam. Oh boy! When I was rinsing off the jars and sat them on the kitchen counter, I noticed that our harvest is plenty! We've got big bowls full of tomatoes, pears, okra, and other veggies that I don't know the name for. Kind of exciting, don't you think?!

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On a more meaningful note:

Last night at Big House, while we were worshiping I was so touched by the willingness of the Lord to break us in order that He could heal us and make us more whole than we could have ever imagined Him to. He is the Restorer and He revives us, makes us newer than new. How good is He? Reminds me of Gomer.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
will bring her into the wilderness,
and speak comfort to her.
I will give her her vineyards from there,
and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
she shall sing there,
as in the days of her youth,
as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt."
Hosea 2:14-15

I will lean, and lean, and lean. And then I will fall, and fall, and fall again in Love.

repost: on shutting up

I don't know how I stumbled on this blog, but i read it and it's everything that I'm going through, and articulated really well, so here's a repost of it by http://timandbrookecollier.wordpress.com/

on shutting up
i’m getting a little tired of hearing myself talk lately. i’m not feeling wise or profound or salty. i’m feeling bland and dull… and actually relatively unsure about almost everything right now apart from the pressing feeling that my Father is working something deep in me that can’t yet be articulated.

i used to think of my blog, though i feel silly admitting it, as a fountain of emotional transparency paired with spiritual depth and insight. i wrote for myself, and i wrote what was true, but i think i thought i was doing you (readers) some sort of small service by my writing. whether or not that is accurate, i’ll let you determine.

but i’m running out of things to say. i’m silenced by the mystery that life is right now; the mystery that God Himself is in the midst of it. I’m a bit tired, truthfully, of working to chase down my Life Calling and to walk in step with the Spirit. i’m certain that it’s not supposed to be that tiring (“my yoke is easy and my burden is light. you’ll find rest for your souls,” He said), which means i’m doing something wrong. i know Him well enough to know that He will not lose me. but, still, something is off.

the remedy? to pray more, to concentrate on hearing His voice, to get into circles of fellowship that will challenge me, to worship with other people, to take a retreat? well, most of that feels like more striving. so, i’m opting to shut up instead. to shut up with the internal dialogue AND with the verbose musings.

my prayers these days are more about the posture of my heart than the words i speak (or don’t). but i’m praying. in fact, i know that He’s near right now and doing something vital. but i’m just at a loss for words.

posts for a little bit here will probably be “shallow” and focused more on ordinary day-to-day things.

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So, some day-to-day things: photos from July Fourth Weekend

[...every sinner has a future]
[a bit grainy, but other than that, I like it, this was
after a dance party we went to //fan plan//
oh and this is not me, it's my sister, get it straight][sabbath afteroon at ze church for lunch munch,
and despedida for the missions team][paparrazzi shot at guitar center][she's old and fat, her name is Charka. I met her
at the Fil-Am festival, she has short legs, and likes to sit][mi familia celebrates another young one into the fold
at a buffet. it's the only way to party really btw, the
prego cousin-in-law isn't in the pic, nor is the new popz]

creating space for the spirit

"Oh how important is discipline, community, prayer, silence, caring presence, simple listening, adoration, and deep, lasting faithful friendship. We all want it so much, and still the powers suggesting that all of that is fantasy are enormous. But we have to replace the battle for power with the battle to create space for the spirit." Henri Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak

It's been about 29 days since Spring semester 2010 has ended, of which, upon ending, 29 days of summer has since passed. And in those 29 days, I've found myself... bored. Out of boredom, I've cooked, tried new recipes, did some sewing, some reading, gardened a bit-- all of which has been very enjoyable. I'm happy that I can catch up on my little hobbies this summer, except for the fact that doing all the things I love alone can sometimes be... well, lonely. Nonetheless, it's rewarding. I enjoy the presence of Jesus in my time of pleasant loneliness, probably because I know I'm not alone.

I have to admit, I do miss having a community of people who provoke me to love Jesus more. But I guess that's why God sometimes brings us into wilderness, to walk in the unity of the triunal God, in His family. It's been about a year, and I'm still learning to be wholly satisfied... still praying for the Lord to bless my friendships, pray with me? Yeah? =)

So, in my plight of summer survival, I realized how drunk I've gotten off of the spirit of this age. I was made for more, and my disillusioned heart will no longer believe in the lie that binds me to what will inevitably turn to dust. Rather than being cynical and believing that it is impossible to live and walk in the fullness of God, I dare to put on faith that speaks of hope alive in Jesus, who makes all things possible for me. I want to seek what is more enthralling than the pleasures of this world, to seek.. Jesus. Because there is nothing boring about You. So Jesus, would You awaken my soul yet again, let love be awakened as You have desired it. Amen and Amen.

Let this summer be about loving You, creating space for the Spirit yet again and again, so to love You with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.