Root Bear

One extravagant chain saw dance move goes to camping last weekend in the mountains! If only we wore plaid and grew beards would the feeling of manliness be more complete. haha The fact is, we survived, despite the pseudo-carcass we encountered on the way to our campsite.

[The story: we were driving through the mountain, and went up up up trying to find a good spot. My sister lets us know that there are monster bears that hang out all around the same mountain we're tryin to camp out at. Thanks for lettin us know sis! We got to a point where we just thought we were at the wrong place, and boom! We see this huge dead thing in the middle of the road, and we freak out because it looked like a dead eaten up animal and its bones. Nope, just a dead branch with leaves all over. That's all. ha ha ha jokes on us!]

[deer caught in headlights. & that actually happened many times that night] [bringin the fiyah! ah, can't wait till we do this again]

The following day I got to see my good friends get married! Hannah and Jake. It was such a beautiful and magical night, complete with fireworks at a barn. Wish I could have gotten some photos of the Bride&Groom but none turned out. Anyhow, meet 2 of my friends:

[hi there Carra][oh hey jonsey]

AndToday.

I helped my dad make some fig jam. Oh boy! When I was rinsing off the jars and sat them on the kitchen counter, I noticed that our harvest is plenty! We've got big bowls full of tomatoes, pears, okra, and other veggies that I don't know the name for. Kind of exciting, don't you think?!

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On a more meaningful note:

Last night at Big House, while we were worshiping I was so touched by the willingness of the Lord to break us in order that He could heal us and make us more whole than we could have ever imagined Him to. He is the Restorer and He revives us, makes us newer than new. How good is He? Reminds me of Gomer.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
will bring her into the wilderness,
and speak comfort to her.
I will give her her vineyards from there,
and the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
she shall sing there,
as in the days of her youth,
as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt."
Hosea 2:14-15

I will lean, and lean, and lean. And then I will fall, and fall, and fall again in Love.

repost: on shutting up

I don't know how I stumbled on this blog, but i read it and it's everything that I'm going through, and articulated really well, so here's a repost of it by http://timandbrookecollier.wordpress.com/

on shutting up
i’m getting a little tired of hearing myself talk lately. i’m not feeling wise or profound or salty. i’m feeling bland and dull… and actually relatively unsure about almost everything right now apart from the pressing feeling that my Father is working something deep in me that can’t yet be articulated.

i used to think of my blog, though i feel silly admitting it, as a fountain of emotional transparency paired with spiritual depth and insight. i wrote for myself, and i wrote what was true, but i think i thought i was doing you (readers) some sort of small service by my writing. whether or not that is accurate, i’ll let you determine.

but i’m running out of things to say. i’m silenced by the mystery that life is right now; the mystery that God Himself is in the midst of it. I’m a bit tired, truthfully, of working to chase down my Life Calling and to walk in step with the Spirit. i’m certain that it’s not supposed to be that tiring (“my yoke is easy and my burden is light. you’ll find rest for your souls,” He said), which means i’m doing something wrong. i know Him well enough to know that He will not lose me. but, still, something is off.

the remedy? to pray more, to concentrate on hearing His voice, to get into circles of fellowship that will challenge me, to worship with other people, to take a retreat? well, most of that feels like more striving. so, i’m opting to shut up instead. to shut up with the internal dialogue AND with the verbose musings.

my prayers these days are more about the posture of my heart than the words i speak (or don’t). but i’m praying. in fact, i know that He’s near right now and doing something vital. but i’m just at a loss for words.

posts for a little bit here will probably be “shallow” and focused more on ordinary day-to-day things.

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So, some day-to-day things: photos from July Fourth Weekend

[...every sinner has a future]
[a bit grainy, but other than that, I like it, this was
after a dance party we went to //fan plan//
oh and this is not me, it's my sister, get it straight][sabbath afteroon at ze church for lunch munch,
and despedida for the missions team][paparrazzi shot at guitar center][she's old and fat, her name is Charka. I met her
at the Fil-Am festival, she has short legs, and likes to sit][mi familia celebrates another young one into the fold
at a buffet. it's the only way to party really btw, the
prego cousin-in-law isn't in the pic, nor is the new popz]

creating space for the spirit

"Oh how important is discipline, community, prayer, silence, caring presence, simple listening, adoration, and deep, lasting faithful friendship. We all want it so much, and still the powers suggesting that all of that is fantasy are enormous. But we have to replace the battle for power with the battle to create space for the spirit." Henri Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak

It's been about 29 days since Spring semester 2010 has ended, of which, upon ending, 29 days of summer has since passed. And in those 29 days, I've found myself... bored. Out of boredom, I've cooked, tried new recipes, did some sewing, some reading, gardened a bit-- all of which has been very enjoyable. I'm happy that I can catch up on my little hobbies this summer, except for the fact that doing all the things I love alone can sometimes be... well, lonely. Nonetheless, it's rewarding. I enjoy the presence of Jesus in my time of pleasant loneliness, probably because I know I'm not alone.

I have to admit, I do miss having a community of people who provoke me to love Jesus more. But I guess that's why God sometimes brings us into wilderness, to walk in the unity of the triunal God, in His family. It's been about a year, and I'm still learning to be wholly satisfied... still praying for the Lord to bless my friendships, pray with me? Yeah? =)

So, in my plight of summer survival, I realized how drunk I've gotten off of the spirit of this age. I was made for more, and my disillusioned heart will no longer believe in the lie that binds me to what will inevitably turn to dust. Rather than being cynical and believing that it is impossible to live and walk in the fullness of God, I dare to put on faith that speaks of hope alive in Jesus, who makes all things possible for me. I want to seek what is more enthralling than the pleasures of this world, to seek.. Jesus. Because there is nothing boring about You. So Jesus, would You awaken my soul yet again, let love be awakened as You have desired it. Amen and Amen.

Let this summer be about loving You, creating space for the Spirit yet again and again, so to love You with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.

my day.

I recently realized the beauty and value in blogging and journaling what we do in a day. For the longest time, since when I started online journaling, I had this immense disgust for solely blogging about how your day was, and what you did. To me, it was all... crap. To me, it was stupid and pointless--- self-centered really. Who would care to read a blog if it only talked about what you did? But I've been reading a few blogs that did just that, and I find myself appreciating their little ramblings about their day.. it's like seeing the world from their own eyes while simultaneously hearing the thoughts that go through their head.

Often times, I think I should only blog and journal if I have something worthwhile to write, only if I have something valuable to share: life lessons, thoughts, pains, the highlighted joy at the time. But in these past few days of grieving over loved ones, I've realized life is too short to be selective with what I recount. I want to look at my life and absorb whatever is in this place God has set me in. I mean, when you think about it, history is fascinating and could have only been appreciated if someone was writing it down. Thus, from this point forward, I would like to intentionally call myself a scribe, one who writes down what has been unfolded before them.

Here's my first attempt:

Today was my grandma's funeral. The night before she died was the hardest for me... the viewing and funeral were not as emotional as I thought it would be (but my lack of emotions may have been due to the fact that I don't know how to act around so many people.. like how do you greet your cousins, who you met for the first time, at a funeral? Do you smile? I just don't know)

My family came in late for the memorial service (we're stuck in filipino time, always late). We had walked in the middle of my Unlce Ferdi's speech, followed by my cousin Erika. One thing that stuck to me was their little footnotes about the relationships within their family. Uncle Ferdi recollected how Grandma Lina hated how the family would fight, and Erika shared how, last Christmas, when the whole family was together, there was a sparkle in Grandma Lina's eye, glazed from tears, and she said, "I am proud."

As I'm recalling all of this, I'm reminded of the night before Grandma Lina died. My Auntie Teri told me that Grandma hated it when the door to her room was closed. When she was sick, she always wanted the door open so she could hear all the noise.

After the memorial service, I know one sure thing about my Grandma Lina: that she loved love, especially the love within family. I'm sure that she wanted to hear noise because she loved the proximity of family, of people, the nearness of loved ones. That was her joy.

So I also got to spend some time with cousins and family who I haven't seen in a long time after the funeral. The sight of their faces makes my heart leap and I'm drawn immediately into an embrace. I just want to know them, and I hate every wall that is walled up simply because I don't see them often. They're part of my family, and I find it my right to know them... God I pray you let me know them, and that you let me love them this way.

Amidst all of this, my thoughts have also been flooded with the tears that come from grieving with my sister. This past week, her friend died and my heart is moved at how much of an impression he left on this earth. It isn't his good works that continues to resonate with the people he knew, it was his love. He loved well. My sister had known him for a short time, and had quickly come to love him as her brother. She'd told me stories about him before he died, and so hearing about his death shocked me.

Whenever she would tell me things about him, I could see something change in my sister. I could tell she was so touched by the love he so freely gave, so much so that it even changed me... You could tell that he was so transformed in the love of Christ, that it was able to expand, reach out, and grip my sister's heart, that it then translated itself into my sister's stories, and touched me, a third party. Wow.

I was reading one of his blogs, and he quoted Dostoevsky: "To love [someone] is to see them as God intended them."

I really like that quote.

And I really could keep talking about Love forever, and even if I did, my ideas of love would still be diminished. It's just so real and enlivening. It frees people, and it heals them too.

I want to love deeply every second of my life.

RIP Grandma Lina, and Matt King.

Food for Thought.

You either trade your life all at once, or you trade it one day at a time over the course of decades. Either way, you trade it for something.
"What will you trade your life for?"
-Neue Magazine, The Reproducing Church

I didn't have much care for this article, but it's initial question struck me, and stopped me from reading any further. What am I willing to trade my life for? More appropriately, what have I already traded my life for? ...What is it that I've given myself to in this life?



If it's for nothing, then all of this is in vain... how terrible would that be?

Oh! The illusions of this world are SO convincing! This idea that momentary pleasure actually lasts for eternity?? Uh, no. No. To live for the whims of this life, in this side of eternity, would be living dead: dead in the inside. I don't want that.

..just some thoughts.
[I should be working on 2 major papers right now... haven't started, yikes!]